{True Love}

I knew I wanted to update my blog, but I didn't know what to write about. As I sat staring at the title bar, the only words that came to mind were "True Love". A funny realization came to mind when I thought deeper on those words. I didn't just mean my love for Drew.


My love and reverence for God is something I am proud of. It hasn't been an easy road, my life, but it's been a good one. I dealt with things that I child shouldn't have had to. I was thrown in to some responsibilities that a teen shouldn't have to shoulder. I have a heart for other people's pain, which can be downright exhausting. When a dear friend of mine miscarried her first pregnancy, I bawled my eyes out at work, on my way home, and as I lay in bed that night. But, I knew that God would take care of them and that when I get to Heaven, I'll meet the little one that didn't make it to their life this round. Still, through all this, my love for God has never wavered.


I'm not saying that I had a traumatic life, or that my trials were any more intense than those of anyone else. But, it was a challenge for me. Thank God for always being there and never giving up on me when I felt like giving up on everything else.


It's crazy what can happen when you give up control and let Him do what He has planned for you. I was in a relationship in early January of 2009. It was a dead end and left me less than satisfied with myself and with him. I sat in church and heard, "give it up", so I did. I told my best friend Drew that I broke up with my bf. Two days later we started dating, two days after that we had our first kiss. I married that boy. If I hadn't listened, I might still be playing the detrimental dating game, being less of the woman I should be, giving my heart away to men who don't deserve or even want it.


How amazing is it that we have a God who loves us and genuinely wants the best for us? How amazing is it when you give up control, as hard as it is?


Thank you God for giving us all the second chances in the world to screw up and find you again.


I'm all giddy and full of love.

At my company's summer party hosted at my bosses' home. SO FUN. Next to us, our BFFs the Bishop family.

{Shame}

I have felt so much shame as of late because of my negative, selfish and slightly disrespectful behavior. I got my teeth out and have pretty much been a non stop whiner since then. I know my pain wasn't near the caliber that I was making it out to be. I didn't have the tell-tale signs of swelling that people usually get, so I guess I had to remind people that I was hurting. What for? Sympathy? Attention? Gag. Yes, I WAS in pain, but I'm not a child and I should have handled it with more dignaty that I did.


You probably noticed the "slightly disrespectful" piece there. I do feel like I have been disrepecting Drew by my actions. I have been thinking so inwardly lately and I have been neglecting my husbands basic needs.


I started feeling a whole lot better yesterday and called him while I was out and about running errands for work, and I apologized. I told him that I had been treating him unfairly and that I was sorry for disrespecting him with my negative attitude. I felt energized after doing this. I was totally ready to get home and be a more attentive wife. Our house was a mess and we had growth group in a couple hours, with a chapter still left to read. So, while I ran around the house cleaning, putting stuff away, doing dishes, etc., I had Drew read to me. I love moments like that.


I felt that weight on my shoulders yesterday. I have a new weight on them today. I made my apology after sitting on a deception for far too long and letting it eat at me. I'm just praying that my message gets read and my apology is accepted. I am a good willed woman... I just pray that I make that known by my actions more often.

Feeling a need to be set free from guilt.

{PAIN} My whiney post...

I am such a sucker. My last posts were about the excitement of getting my teeth out and being all healthy and such!

Boy, was I a bonehead.

I can't believe I was looking forward to it. I got them pulled on Friday afternoon. It is now Monday evening and I'm still in more pain than I had anticipated. I take the 800mg ibuprofen three times a day and when it flares up in between those times, I have (generic) vicoden. I'm also on an antibiotic, which I hate. I can't stand being on antibiotics. They leave a disgusting taste in my mouth, and they counteract birthcontrol. I'm tired all the time, my jaw aches, I have to take my antibiotic with a full glass of water, and I have been having to take it at bedtime, which means I'm getting up in the middle of the night. I honestly don't LIKE to complain, when I'm in genuine pain, the last thing I want to do is be a bother to anyone else. Now, if I have a cold? Yeah, I'm super obnoxious. I always end up feeling awful when I can tell on my husbands face that I'm being a pill.


Here I sit, on the couch... Again. I've been pretty well acquainted with this couch for the past 3 days. Good thing this giant purple cat hair magnet is confortable! But... my stitches feel like they are pulling and there is a flap of skin that seems to be loose. I'm just worried that it's going to keep getting worse. I'm such a negative Nancy, a real Debbie downer. And I hate it.


Maybe I just feel like being negative right now? That's not fair at all. God gave me an opportunity to go to a good dentist adn take care of a problem in my mouth. God gave me an amazing husband who just wants to help me feel better. I just need to shake it. I'm healing, that's a good thing. Healing doesn't come without a little pain, still.


Buck up, you big sissy. There are worse things out there.

The man who makes me sing with joy. At my mother in law's birthday July of 2009.