To Shed a Few Tears

I sit here on the couch while my husband works out in the apartment fitness center, and I'm crying.

I decided to watch last seasons final episode of Glee and it, of course, started the water works, which are now in moderate effect.

I realized that I'm not just crying because the episode touched my emotional bone... I am crying for a multitude of reasons. I cry during Glee because it reminds me of what I had. I used to sing, and I was pretty darn good by my senior year, thanks to many years in choir. It wasn't until that final year that I went for a solo. I sang the national anthem at my school's fall pep assembly and I wow'd them. A friend of mine told me that another student whispered in her ear as I began to sing, "Whoa! I didn't know Kali could do that...". It felt great. I also got to sing a solo at my own graduation with both of my parents there together, it was my dad's first time seeing me sing. This was one of the highest moments of my life and I still hold it very close to my heart. But, I feel ridiculous that I would be so depressed about it now. I don't sing with the control I used to have and it saddens me deeply. How I wish I had kept going, gone for more, tried to stand out... It's all about "what if" with me.

I cry for a second, also slightly silly reason. This is the episode where Quinn has her baby. I cried the hardest when she is in labor and Puck is watching over her with an appreciative gaze. I. WANT. THIS. Drew and I have been married for only 5 months and I can't wait to start our family. I want to be pregnant. I want to go into labor. I want to deliver this amazing creation. I want to hold that child with Drew by my side. I'm excited for those things! But, I stress out because it's still so early in our marriage to bring a child in to the mix. We live in a one bedroom apartment that is starting to get a little small for my tastes. It's perfect for us right now, don't get me wrong. This apartment is a blessing to us straight from God, and I don't want to forget that. But, there is of course this part of me (a VERY large part) that wants a 3 bedroom home. Guest room and office for now... I want the room for a family, eventually. BUT, I don't want to miss out on the first years of my marriage! You see my conundrum? I'm in love with children, and want my own brood, but I don't want to bring children in to the world just yet, but I want them now... And I go in circles. Stress me OUT.

The main thing I really need to keep remembering is that everything needs to be in God's time, not Kali's time. I want Drew and I to have purpose in our marriage. I want us to try to get pregnant, not have an "oops" baby. I want to feel like it was the right time for us and that we were mentally ready (ish).

I've started praying at night about this. That God would bring a sense of peace and take away my feelings of urgency. That I would be happy with where I'm at and stop looking so far in the future. I want to enjoy my time with my new husband. Ephesians 5, and the first paragraphs of 6, have been a huge reminder to me as well... I need to be a WIFE right now. I need to focus on the two of us before a third. But, Ephesians is a good guideline on how to be a good wife. It's been a nice reminder to read that. I just need to redirect my focus.

I almost forgot to post a picture...

Us at my loves, Kristin (Devereaux) and Kyle Bishop's wedding.

The Zoo to an Adult...

It is a strange and scary place at the zoo. The children running around. The screaming babies. The awesome wild animals. The female gorillas doing nasty things to one another... Wait, what?

I wish I were kidding, I really do...

I went to the zoo on Saturday with Mr. P and our new friends Kyle and Kristin. We had an awesome time! The little monkeys were giving my husband high-fives against the glass when he would put his hand up to them. A giant crane charged us when Drew held his hand out to him. The male tiger walked about his cage, growling something fierce. And... two female gorillas pleasured each other.

We came to the gorilla enclosure and were waiting for the silverback to turn around so we could see his face when two cute younger gorillas came in to the area giving each other piggy backs and playing around, and the silverback left the area. Then one of the little females lay on the ground and the other lay in the reverse position and they "cleaned" one another. Then they switched positions, who was on top, and went from standing to laying all the while making thrusting motions. It was SHOCKING. It was only a few moments. But, it was startling all the same. I finally became a little more than uncomfortable and pulled my group away.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Thank goodness for adorable things like otters and meerkats to throw a little acid on my brain.

The zoo to an adult is an interesting place. Much like my view on old Disney movies has changed, so has my view of the zoo. No longer is it a place where you can just see some awesome wild animals, but now it has become a place where you can watch wild animals get freaky.

I think I will wait a while before I return. The zoo is a little jaded for me now.

On our way:

...

I seriously could not think of a title. I'm feeling a little sleepy brained today. My BFF at work was out sick and apparently that means I have no brain of my own? No... I was just running around all day doing different errands and that always makes me feel like a crazy person when I get back to my desk. It shakes me from my grooooooooove, man.

I'm super excited to get out of here today, not because I don't love my job, because I LOVE my job... But, I'm excited to get home tonight and clean, clean, CLEAN. Tomorrow I am having a couple of my coworkers over for movie night. It also happens to be one of our new coworker's wife's (not married just yet, but close enough in my opinion!) birthday. She's new in town and Emily, Lyndsy and I want her to feel welcome. Her first birthday up here! I won't say what we're doing just in case she stumbles upon this between tonight and tomorrow night. But, I'm excited!

Can I just say that I'm tired of feeling like crap? I feel tired all the time. I get sick quite easily. It's just a mess. I know if has to do with not being active enough. But, when you're at this point, it's really hard to find motivation to get to the gym. I'd rather stay home with my cat and play The Sims3.

My husband is amazing in so many ways. He makes me laugh harder than I have in many, MANY years. Usually during times that one wouldn't normally be cracking up, either. Which I think is fantastic. :-) Drew helps me out so much when I'm dragging. On his day off last week he totally cleaned the apartment. This gave me a lot of motivation, and I finished the laundry that had been sitting on the floor next to my side of the bed. He motivates me. He makes me feel attractive. He's a Christian influence. He's supportive... He's just all around pretty awesome.

Almost done with my day. Going to finish up my daily tasks and hit the road. Here's a little updated photo of me and my main man!

Mrs. Pettersen

I'm still not used to the idea of being Mrs. But, it's a thought that excites me, still. It's been almost a month since we got married and I could not be happier with the man God chose for me. We are always having fun together, learning new things together, and encouraging one another. It's insane, really. I never thought it possible to love any other human being as much as I love my husband. He is a daily blessing to my life.



I can only hope for more of this joy in the future. But, with God in the center, I can't see how we could fail.

Love,

Kali Pettersen

17 Days Until I Say "I Do"

I have been busy these days. Busy with work, and busy trying to iron out the details of the wedding. What am I at, 17 days until I marry the man God sent me? This is proving to be a bit more anxiety ridden than I had anticipated.


For instance, I'm currently stressing myself out over song selections. I don't know what Drew and Sue-Mom want to dance to for their mother-son dance. But, I haven't asked Sue yet, so that's probably a minor detail. I'm trying to think of songs to play for the candle lighting and serving of communion. But, I think I will just leave it to classical music that the dj picks. Nothing particular. I really want to walk down to Moonlight Sonata, Drew doesn't want me to. Yes, the song is a little dark, but it's also my favorite song of all time. I think I'll have the wedding party walk to Canon in D and call it good, it's also a favorite. :-) We're walking out to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" by the amazing IZ. Drew's pick. :-) I couldn't be happier with that choice.


I'm tired, I think. I just have this icky feeling that I'm forgetting a whole mess of things. Well, I know I am. But, I am trying to constantly review different checklists to see.

I turned in my ring to Shane Co. to be soldered and polished. I'm am only going to try it on once while I'm at Shane Co. next Tuesday to pick it up, just to ensure it fits. After that, I am tucking it away until the moment Drew places it back on my finger at our wedding. Currently, to not make my ring finger feel sad and naked, I am wearing the first wedding set my mom received from my dad when they got married. It's a sweet three band set with a solitare, a plain band, and a third band with a heart and two half circles on it. I really do love it. It's yellow gold. But, I love it because it is my mom's. And it makes me happy when I look at it.

On Being Thankful

And boy, am I ever thankful. I have SO much to be thankful for... And I owe one person all. So, thanks God! You've blessed me insurmountably.

Things Kali is thankful for:

Andrew Scott Pettersen

My entire family and extended family

My new sister, Lynnette Lucille Fortier Kruse

Wells Fargo

Gerwurzteminer

My cat, Christopher

The Apartment

Redmond Police (not for the ticket, but my bad)

Design Laboratory, Inc. and everyone inside it's walls

Jenny Goldberg-George & our amazing engagement pics

Socks, blankets, fleece sheets...

Candles, oil burners, and a wood burning fireplace

The Internet

My wedding in less than 3 months

My mother taking over with wedding details

My recent baptism

LIFE

Just to name a few things. :-)

WHOA! I {Kind of} have my own apartment!?

So... An awesome thing happened on October 17th, last month. Drew and I were finally deciding to take a peek on what might be out there as far as apartments go in the area where we both work. I'm so proud of him for getting the promotion he absolutely deserves. He is now a Banker at the Wells Fargo in Redmond. SO PROUD! He's just constantely moving up... Oops, I got distracted. I love that man. :-) We were getting warmed up to the idea of thinking of moving him into an apartment in Redmond. Yes, that was the process.

We took a Saturday that he didn't have to work and went to the first place on his favorites list, Avalon Redmond Place. We weren't anticipating anything, really. We were just going to go in and get a general idea of what we might be looking for to move him in in January.

We walked around the first unit, a one bedroom one bath of 750 sq. ft. We liked the price but not the location of the unit or the layout at ALL. The bedroom felt super cramped.

Second unit was a two bedroom that I totally loved. The layout was awesome and I was looking forward to possibly using the second bedroom as an office to put our desk and bookshelf. I was jazzed. But, it was a little more than Drew had really wanted to spend. We were seriously considering it, though.

Just for fun, we decided to check out the smaller one bedroom one bath with 650sq. ft. and were completely shocked. It was pretty much perfect! Yeah, it's a little small, but we could absolutely make it work. We headed back to the leasing office and put down a deposit! We locked in an insanely low price. We signed the final lease agreement and got our keys on November 1st.

Just a few pictures of our place so far. :-) I don't officially live there full time at the moment. But, all of my items are in there. I just go, hang out after work, have dinner with my amazing fiance, pack up stuff for the next day, and go back to my Mom's place to sleep.

Sad thing happened there, too. Not even a day after my big items (desk, dresser, and bookshelf) were taken to the apartment, my mom pretty much gave my room to my brother, Danny. While this is totally fine with me, I just wish I could have had a moment or two in my old room before being hussled out of it.