{Shame}

I have felt so much shame as of late because of my negative, selfish and slightly disrespectful behavior. I got my teeth out and have pretty much been a non stop whiner since then. I know my pain wasn't near the caliber that I was making it out to be. I didn't have the tell-tale signs of swelling that people usually get, so I guess I had to remind people that I was hurting. What for? Sympathy? Attention? Gag. Yes, I WAS in pain, but I'm not a child and I should have handled it with more dignaty that I did.


You probably noticed the "slightly disrespectful" piece there. I do feel like I have been disrepecting Drew by my actions. I have been thinking so inwardly lately and I have been neglecting my husbands basic needs.


I started feeling a whole lot better yesterday and called him while I was out and about running errands for work, and I apologized. I told him that I had been treating him unfairly and that I was sorry for disrespecting him with my negative attitude. I felt energized after doing this. I was totally ready to get home and be a more attentive wife. Our house was a mess and we had growth group in a couple hours, with a chapter still left to read. So, while I ran around the house cleaning, putting stuff away, doing dishes, etc., I had Drew read to me. I love moments like that.


I felt that weight on my shoulders yesterday. I have a new weight on them today. I made my apology after sitting on a deception for far too long and letting it eat at me. I'm just praying that my message gets read and my apology is accepted. I am a good willed woman... I just pray that I make that known by my actions more often.

Feeling a need to be set free from guilt.